...

finally i opened my absolut vanilla last nite... n i noe wads my limit already... 4 pure shots of 40% alcohol... instant knock out... got a hangover rite now... my head hurts... but my heart hurts more... juz can't slp last nite... dun feel good now... got a meeting lata... b4 my labs, lecs n tut... feel like skipping lessons... got no mood to go to sch at all...

mayb i shld buy more vodka to store up n drink them as water... so i wun think so much... or beta still... if can... die frm drinking... sometimes i realli hope that i wun wake up at all after i'm drunk... coz i wun remember so many things tat i haf to worry about...

why is it that there are so many problems we haf to face n encounter in our short span of life? life is short... y is there always so many bitter n sour things we haf to face? why can't our lives be short yet sweet? why do we always haf to worry abt sch.. family... love... why???

been crying every nite... din noe i've got so much tears to spare... think i shld start saving up my tears by getting myself drunk... so i wun run dry of tears in future...

More Waiting... How Much More Waiting...

ok... i'm confused... i'm confused of how i feel between mi n him... since he booked out on fri... i m pissed... sat oso pissed... even 2dae oso... i duno y... i felt so tired meeting him... its not i dun wan to meet him.. but.. ... i duno... realli duno... i missed him... i waiting for him to book out every week... for 5 days... but i din realise tat even he booked out le... i still haf to wait for him... for him to meet mi.. for him to call mi... sometimes... he said i'll b there in 10mins... but... it will b 10 + 10 = 20mins...

todae whole morning was waiting for a call/msg from him... but nothing... when my fone suddenly rang... i tot finally... he called... but... my heart sank when i saw the msg was not frm him... it realli hurts... even we sort of made up... but... still... there's an aching feeling inside...

now... my feelings are very complex... i shld sae... i dun even noe howi feel now... angry? pissed? hurt? confused? happy? upset? i duno.... realli wish to find a wall and bang right into it...

to all pple who noe mi.... i can haf patience... but... plz.. dun test it... i can wait for u... but... i dun like the waiting process... i hate it... so plz... plz... dun like mi wait... dun....

Day 1 in Sch

today.... 1st day in sch... in free access lab now... this morn kanna dua by my lab lecturer.. &^$%&$^.... si KK Chow... early morning fly mi aeroplane...

was wondering ard in sch since no lab... saw a junior... so i wave n sae hi loh... then she like tio stun... n took abt 5 sec to realise who i m... she sae she do recognise mi... coz i look diff... sae wad i slim dwn liao... n looked prettier... *shy* where got...

got my absolut vanllia frm jian bo today... *woohoo...* can drink until song liao... muahahaha....

tried to change my timetable today... but... invaild... y.... *sob sob sob* *sneeze into glenn's long 4* hahahaha..... >.< keke...

was buying food... then the aunt oso sae i slim dwn liao... but seriously... i never go on diet loh... si aggie... kept saying i go on diet... during holidays... i realli eat n slp... eat n slp... n i slp until 12pm everyday... 1st thing i did when i wake up... was to cook pasta n eat... =p... so n therefore... in conculsion.... its impossible for mi to haf slim dwn... yay... ^.^v...

anyway... went on a crazy shoppong spreed yest.... haha.... bought alot of stuff sia... hehe.... hmm... lets c... shoes... snk jeans... my new gucci rush 2 perfurm... keke... n my undergarments.... wee...... hoho... i oso got the baby jack-jack holder... haha.... can cry one wor... soooo cute... *grin* oya... not forgetting... my gramps got mi this same soft toy that my baby cousin loves and hugs wherever he goes... hehehe.....

still go GE lata... wonder if i wan to go anot... haiz... abit lazy to go sia... no... i shld sae... i got no motivation to go... haiz.... *sign*

Baby Jack-Jack

hmm.. long time din cum online liao... but oso cant b online too long... (yaya... still using dial-up... =p) anyway.... sch starting nxt week!!!! haiz!~!~

hee... dear bought mi the mac jack-jack pillow on sat... hee... very cute wor... haha... hugging it to slp every nite....

got fever on mon... think eat too much chocolate liao... 39 degrees... but ok lah... the fever come fast n gone fast... haha.... went to bishan today... sian... qiqi got gastric flu... haiz... tml going over to hougang mall to pay my bills n gie's hse... she need my help to burn songs...

thurs shld b going out wif eileen.... if.... she nt meeting her bf... i wanted to trim my eyebrowns... n buy alot of things... like... shoes... n bras... haha... fridae going to help my aunt wif her com... helping her to burn fotos... haiz... y i teach her so long n so many times liao... y she still dun understand... zzzz....

then sat i will b spending whole day wif him... duno y... SAF realli cock sia... let him book out at noon.... n book in at 9 pm the same day.... dumb rite... haiz...

as for sun.... mum not working... i oso duno wad i'll b doing... but... guess i'll b at hm ba....

after which... sch starts loh... but the stupid timetable is still not out yet... %$#@^.... wats wrong wif the sch... so slow.... -_-zzzz.....

6 months le wor...

hmmm.... yup... its been 6 months since we started... yay... ^.^... these 6 months... sae long not long... sae short oso not short... alot of things happened in these period of time... both good n bad.. happy n sad things... i guess we had made it through ba... =) i noe there r still many things we haven settle on... but... that day will cum... =p..

went out wif gie n bren yest... purposely din wan to go GE... duno y... nowadays... i feel very tired going for GE... so sian... worst thing was wad happened on mon... Grrr.... *blood boil*... dun wan to tok abt it le... but... ya loh... juz feel so sian going for GE le... anyway... mi n bren went to meet gie after she finished her work at raffles city... as usual... bren is late.. then i sat in starbucks like a idiot waiting for her to cum... sit until my butt n my leg numb liao sia... hmm... bren got mi a beach wear skirt frm genting... thank u... hee...

haiz... skool starting soon... 6th dec... sianz... something more sianz is... the timetable wun b out until 2nd dec... cock rite... haiz...

n... i've becum like a pig soon... no... i had becum a pig... duno wads wrong wif mi... i can slp ard 11pm... wake up 12pm the next day... n now... 4.38pm onli... i feel bloody slpy sia.... Zzzz..... chaim liao... wad haf the holidays done to mi....

Why Olinda?~?~?

hmm... he's booked out on thurs evening... at 1st i duno how to face him... haiz... anyway... he came when i was giving lesson to some GE 2s... i din bother him at 1st... =p... in the beginning... there seems to b a wall in between us... i juz duno how to n wad to tok to him... but... in the end... heng... everything turns out alrite when he send mi hm... ^.^...

nick messaged mi yesterdae... wanted mi to ask glenn abt something... haiz... was so fed up... plz loh... its almost 6 months... can't he juz let go... so i msged him back... telling him to ask glenn himself... in the end this was his reply... "ok thanks any way did not want to ask u also but no choice one" kaoz... plz... its not no choice... its him who din wan to make that choice... -.-Zzz....

anyway... mum's not working 2dae... sianz... so i went to his hse to zo boh... wanted to play gb at his hse one... but... haiz.. cannot play... oso duno y... went out to haf lunch wif his whole family excluding his dad... then on the way back... he raced wif this lancer girl... coz this lancer girl kinda cut his que when leaving the plaza n wasn't even feeling bad abt it... haiz... my heart almost popped out when he acclerated to cut her car... *deow*

juz finished the s'pore idol result show... omg... y is olinda out... she is the best singer loh... left two ok singers there to compete for the 1st s'pore idol... wah kao.... olinda... u r the best singer man... *2 thumbs up for u* =)

in whichever case... i'll be going to watch movie 2molo.... yay... ^.^v...

tired..

i'm very tired... mayb i cried too much... i duno... sumhow i got into a quarrel wif him again...

Sat...
went to fetch him @ pasir ris... then went to his hse... after which... decide to go to GV plaza watch Taxi... but when we reached there... there is onli single seats left... n there is no more shows that starts b4 6pm... *i need to b back hm by 8.30pm*

in the end... we walked ard... then makan... took neoprints... makan again...

Sun...
i requested for him to cook for mi... since i'm always the one cooking... he promised to cum my hse at 9am... but i noe... he confirm will cum ard 10am... but... it was 11am le... he's still not here... in the end i was fed-up of waiting... so i changed n went to compass point to walk walk... ard 12.45pm ba.. he called... saying he reached le... i got back hm... when i saw him... i duno... i feel weird... got a ver mixed up feeling in mi... n mayb becoz of my running nose... i din slp much... so felt tired... dun feel like tokin to him..

i laid on my bed... n dozed off... then he dragged mi out of my bed saying lunch is ready... i din realli bother him... twains was on tv.... i wan to catch my fav song... then felt tired wanted to slp... but he hogged my bed... i slp where...Zzzzz... in the end... i heck care liao... slp on the floor... haiz...

then when he went back hm... my mum's back... n i duno what the fuck is wrong wif her... the moment she stepped into the hse... she started yelling at mi... $#^%$&... n dun let mi go out on mon... grr... wtf...

he said he will call mi at nite... so i waited n waited n waited... wait until 1.30am... Zzz... finally contacted him *he tot i slpt alreadi...* n confirm the plans on mon...

Mon...
he said he will b fetching mi at 9am... but... in the end i waited until 9.27am then he arrived... haiz... reached marina square... cool man... we had got the whole cinema to ourselves... not a single soul in the cinema... taxi was cool... especially when the taxi changed to turbo gear...

after the show... he wanted to watch the motor show... so ok... we went to watch... the cars' cool... realli love the HSC... then at the same time... my fone had been ringing none stopped... i'm dying to go hm... coz... who noes wad my mum will do... she can b working... but she can oso cum back hm out of the blue to check on mi... n i noe tat glenn paid the tix to c the show... i oso dun wan to spoilt his mood... so i suggested... he continue to stay at the showcase n watch the show while i rushed back hm... he said ok... so i ran.. grab a cab n headed str8 hm... n the taxi ah pek drove realli slow... he never gone passed 70kpm... finally i'm hm... answered mum's call... omg... my heart almost stopped beating...

called him... to inform him i'm hm... he said he will call mi back... so i wait again... he din call... my mum called again... saying she will b back hm str8 after her work... so i presume ard 5pm she will b hm... i msg him... asking him will he b cuming to my hse... wad time... in the end... it was like 4.30pm... i told him... forget it... i'll c him on thurs evening when he booked out... even i'm dying to c him...

then he asked mi.. if i wan to c him.. wan mi to meet him at CP... n tat he will reach in 10mins... so i went dwn to CP at 4.55pm... on time.. but he's nt there... then he called... saying he will c mi in 5... but again... i din c him... so i msg mi... i will wait for him at mos.. if i din c him in 5 mins... i will go hm... 3mins lata... he called n sae he will reached in 5 mins... 5 mins again... seriously... i m so tired of waiting... tats y when he arrived... i felt very sian... din wan to tok at all...

when sent mi back... we kinda of tok in the car... then things got out of hand... we quarrelled again... when i reached hm... i hit the bathrm str8... n i cried... i cried like mad... its like... he juz dun understand... i m waiting.... i m waiting everytime... all the time... i'm waiting everyweek for him to book out... i'm waiting every nite for him to call... i'm waiting every saturday for him to reach pasir ris bus interchange... i'm waiting every sunday for to cum n meet mi... waiting waiting n waiting... realli i'm tired.... very tired... every weekend... everytime when fri cums... i m so happy... coz i can finally c him... finally after 5 n a half days... every saturday morning... i woke up early... to bath... iron my clothes.... put on make-up... do my hair... n get ready to go n meet him... but sometimes... i still haf to wait for him... then sunday... every sunday... its either i wait for him to cum to my hse or i wait for him to cum n fetch mi to go out...

all these waiting... everytime... i felt realli happy coz i can c him... but up till the end... i dun anymore... i becum very sian... each time every sec minutes passed... my happy feeling always drops to its lowest point... as wad i told him... every sec that i'm treasuring are spent on waiting... it like taking a roller coaster ride... i realli duno how much more can i take...

he said he is tired too... tired of army training... tired of money issues.... tired of my time constraint... i noe... i dun haf so much freedom like him... i am trying my best to spend time wif him le... i realli duno wad else n how else shld i do to make up to him... i realli duno... he likes mi to put on makeup... i did... he likes mi to wear skirt... i did... now.. wad shld i do...

he wanted mi to call him last nite... i did... abt 5-10 mins lata... but i guess he slpt... while laying on my bed... i was thinking... n i msg him... telling him how n wad i think... as i was keying in the msg... i cried again...

Tues...
i din slp... i juz stared the celling blankly, thinking n crying for the whole nite... he msged mi this morning... i duno if i shld reply him... i didn't... then he called mi at 10 plus... he kept saying i love u... i miss u.. i love u... i miss u... i do too... realli do... i love him... but... i duno... my feelings rite now are all mixed-up... its like all my feelings are thrown into a blender... n its all blended up now... how can i break free frm my mum.. i duno... i onli noe in 2 years time... i'll b 21... i will b legally free... i need time... i need 2 years time... 2 years is all i need....